On deciding to be a Writer

Shy bairns get nowt, and this is the first post in COMMOTION. I hope you’ll come back for more.

This year I’ve decided that I am a writer.

It’s a hard thing, to decide that you are something that previously, you were not. I am a dancer, I am a woman, I am a vegetarian; these titles I have earned through many years’ experience with quantifiable evidence, and I feel confident in stating them. But ‘I am a writer’ feels somewhat like a title I have not yet earned, it feels a little like a lie, a boastful and grandiose phrase.

During a session at the end of last year with Suzy Walker, a mentor and fabulous writer, we were encouraged to write repeatedly the phrase ‘I am a prolific and talented writer’, which felt just as much a lie; or perhaps a character that I was just learning to play. A role that I was stepping into. In writing this phrase over and over, I noticed a certain rebellion bubbling up within me – why should I feel like I’m not a writer? I enjoy writing, I believe I’m good at it, I write many things both for work and for fun. But that inner voice always countered, ‘Yeah, but you’re not a writer’.

Suzy challenged me when I aired my thoughts; What makes a writer? What makes a dancer? I said, well a dancer is someone who dances. Therein I proved my own inner critic to be wrong; a writer is simply someone who writes. I am a writer.

Over the past few weeks, thinking about creating this Substack and the things that I will write, I have felt myself occasionally tripping over that little bit of self-doubt. Wondering whether anyone will care what I write, or worse, whether anyone will read it at all. For what is a writer without a reader? Nevertheless, as well as deciding to be a writer, I’m deciding to be brave, and go all in on my big ideas.

COMMOTION is a space for Dance Writing in the North East. It’s a space that is taking shape and evolving, and which is crying out to be filled with writing. I hope to contribute a lot to that; articles, reviews, interviews, thought pieces, creative prompts and advice for audiences. But I also invite others to contribute to the space; I invite everyone to decide that they are a writer. Because all it takes is to pick up a pen, or open a blank document, find a little bravery and start writing.

In weeks to come I will introduce myself properly, I’ll organise the space and post some more – and hopefully, readers will read it. But for now, I am celebrating the fact that I am a Writer, and I invite you to celebrate something that you have decided to be, and maybe even share it with me below.